I really can't remember how I was in A-Levels but I don't remember acting so... 'sanguine' then, not at the start I mean. I was really melancholic in A-Levels...except for a few emo moments my melancholicness seems to have all but vanished. (Yea I know, I seem to be speaking in a foreign language). I've been really animated lately, and I don't get that way unless you are talking about something I'm crazy about (and that's if my melancholicness haven't set in).

There may actually be one more person popping up in my group that is going to grate on my last nerves but I think I can tahan that person at least lar. Typical dominant (a bit passive aggresive) types who I totally bet have no idea they are dominant and will be insulted or look for 'support' if I tell them that. I'll just give it more time and see how things go. The other person I could generally ignore but this person is a little harder. Que Sera Sera

Lolz Sanzo and Gojyo is not supposed to get along but my Gojyo is a cancer so technically I'm supposed to. @_@ The 2 aquarius which I'm not supposed to get along with is Hakkai and Goku and we know what a softie Sanzo is. >_> Lolz ok fine...I've gone from a little obsessed to WAY overboard... It's my Melancholic side, I swear. (Ooo speaking of Sanzo, maybe I should get a giant fan to hit on someone's head to shut them up... Ok wow @_@ too many someones. LOLZ but kinda obvious who).

Cholerics may not realise or admit that they are in fact choleric; this seems to be relatively common for some reason. Perhaps they feel that it sounds BAD to be choleric and don't want to sound BAD?

This is common for a lot of cholerics really though I have no idea why. I'm proud to be a choleric (most of my favourite characters are choleric (or melancholic but I digress)). Cholerics get off their asses and do something instead of sitting around on their butts and whining about the problem all day. THEN AGAIN, the above statement might be because most cholerics don't know or refuse to admit their own weaknesses. It takes a semi-melancholic like me to break out of that trap at least. I know my weaknesses and I don't mind admitting some of them. Haha I know my strengths too but er...admitting them is kinda a bit perasan so I dun think it's good mentioning them, neh?

They are not always openly proud, strong, confident leader types who happily jump to the front to command everyone. 

Unfortunately... I used to I think... but after the bad experiences I've had, I'm happy to be in the background or second in command chain. I just don't like the limelight and all that. Neh, melancholic part I guess. My tutor was like 'this girl is very observant', and I could literally hear my choleric and melancholic side arguing. "Yay she noticed me for something good." "Yea way to go shoving us into the limelight." And my eyes was on the ground and I hope I was blushing if not I'd probably look very arrogant...

Haha still trying to figure out how to balance my two sides esp with all this sanguine traits coming in. I'm trying to figure out the zonning out is which personality, cause it sure in hell ain't Choleric. Meh...it's probably my INFP and the whole building stories/daydreaming thing.

Ok I dunno where else my chain of thoughts was supposed to go but I'm sleepy. I better go to sleep. Night guyz... whoever is left....

Wow I didn't know so many of my friends (same age) got married. O_O Haha I still feel REALLY young so I just can't imagine it. I've mentioned time and time again, I don't feel 20. I don't think any of my classmates really feel 20. Haha I've long accepted I'd be about 28-30 when I get married (if I get lucky that is. I'm going to end up a lonely old cat lady, I know it). That's about 10 years. That's a LONG way more. 10 years ago we were in primary school still.

I'm not judging them or anything I just can't imagine getting married so young. Or having kids. X/ I like kids (maybe) but I'm gonna really enjoy my life before I have them. There are advantages of having kids young (like being able to see your great grandkids or even grandkids with the amount of diseases going about now). But nah, I can't imagine having kids so soon. Maybe before my biological clock expires and all that.

Then again, I wouldn't mind adopting kids either. I mean I'm female so there's no carrying on the generation stuff that people seems to love. And it's not like you can't love someone elses kid. So yea, even if I end up a lonely old cat lady, I don't see why I can't have kids.

Yes, I'm a Taurus. I like to eat. That much is evident from my size. Please don't spend 400-600 on shopping and books and whatever else and call me spendthrift when I want spend a bit more for food. We can compare our monthly spending, I guarantee mine is lesser than yours.

I can't say I hate Med school but if I'm stressing out in the first week, you know there's a problem somewhere. I'm not even stressing for the right reasons I guess. Almost (I say almost because I'm holding out for more people like me) everyone here are those people you see at the top of your class. The people constantly studying even without any exams coming. I hate it... I feel like I should study but you know me.

Lazy to type more lar. Still not in any mood actually. I will see how life goes lar. I won't be surprised if I fail the first exam. :( i hope my parents are still not hoping for the first class honors.

Sleepy.

Haha yea taking a break from the weird posts thingy but I'm not gonna say much. I'm too sleepy to think right now. We had Batch Rep voting yesterday. I think I voted for the right person. My other choice kinda disappointed me today and I can't say anything that would not make this obvious so I'm not gonna say anything. I have perfect confidence in the male rep I voted for, though I think he knows who he is and his ego is gonna swell after he reads this. >_> No one give him a link to my blog. Haha I'm kinda surprised I didn't want to run for batch rep though, I guess that's good. I mean it would look good on my resume and all that but nah. Too much bad experience. I just want to enjoy myself now.

Sleepy.

Mmn I signed up for the Uni Magazine and gave them a link to my blog. I really should write something nice for them to accept me but I'm too tired after coming back late everyday. I joined 5 clubs. X/ Big mistake. I think I'm gonna drop Anime club. Honestly not into anime anymore but it's the cosplaying that should be fun. X/ Haha decisions, decisions.

SHIT! I have this horrible cough and I have a singing performance 2moro. I am screwed. I should pull out lar... If I cough into the mic, no one needs to sing d. They won't be able to hear anyone else. Gargh, my throat is so itchy.

I miss writing but no inspiration... The only writing I've done is the last 2 weird posts. I actually had a couple more posts planned out but for reasons I (may or may not) disclose later, they are not very suitable. Either to the theme I've been trying to get or because of the above reason. Why is there no creative writing club in Monash? Ok fine, I can't write on prompts, only on sudden inspiration but still...it should be fun. Mmn my muse won't leave me alone... Tell her/him/it I'm too sleepy to write anything coherent. X/ I shouldn't have made it verse by verse, now there's too many parts to write. Maybe I'll just get through the chorus once. X/ I just re-read the first part, and it looks like it's gonna end up a love story... X/ LOLZ?

K lar. I'm lazy and sleepy d. I think I'm gonna go sleep if I can get the mood to get myself off this couch. X/ K lar guyz. Nightz

'The Only Time She Told Me She Hated Me Out Loud'

Sorry here's the next part. Again, I have very little idea what I'm going for here so you can bypass this if you want. Haven't written in ages so it might just be my muse acting up. Trigger: Suicide Ideation

Alucia never yelled; she was nothing like me. Hers was a cold anger, with a sharp tongue and cruel words. She was furious now, eyes ablaze and with a hint of the crude vulgarity she could only have picked up from me. "You lazy pig! You bitch! I hope you are happy now. You've ruined everything!"

I refused to look at her; I wouldn't have been able to see her if I tried, not with the tears clouding my vision. I pulled my legs closer to myself, perhaps understanding for once the need for the foetal position the characters in movies adopt.

"We could have gotten out of here. Everything you've wanted, we've wanted and worked for. How could you just ruin everything like that?"

"I'm sorry." I choked out. Feelings of utter helplessness and self-hatred engulfed me. I hadn't meant for it to turn out this way. I thought I did my best, I actually thought...

"You always do this. You always spoil anything possibly good in our life. You lazy, over-confident ass." Then she did what I never imagined she could, she began to cry. It was more tears of anger and frustration than tears of grief but they were tears none the less.

It was then perhaps I knew I had hit rock-bottom. I silenced a wail into my pillow. "I tr...ied. I really did." I knew I was trying to convince myself more than her. I had to.

"Look at me and repeat that. I know you, Alucia. I know everything that goes through your pathetic little head. This...don't give me the bullshit that you tried your best. You didn't do shit."

"Please stop." I sobbed into my pillow. No more. It didn't matter if it was the truth. I couldn't hear this anymore. I knew how badly I'd screwed up. It hurt too much to think about it anymore but she won't let me stop but I deserved it. I deserved every inch of her verbal beatdown.

She laughed and more tears fell from her eyes. "I hate you. You are a total and utter failure. I hate you. I don't even care about them, about your family and I already know what a disappointment you are. I feel sorry for them." She paused, perhaps to catch her breath but I could hear her mind turning from here to deal the perfect final blow. "Go kill yourself. You said you were going to right? Two years ago, for less, for much less. Go, go kill yourself and save everyone so much grief and disappointment."

She left but her words haunted the air. In my mind's eye, I saw it. A knife and two perfect slices across my wrists. It would be so easy and everything would stop. This pain would stop, her voice would stop. But I didn't move, I wasn't going to do it, I knew myself that well at least. I was too much of a coward. I hugged myself tighter as the sobbing started afresh.

And I know that I
I sometimes tend to lose my temper
And I cross the line
Yeah that's the truth

An Innocent Chat

First off, I just want to say this is not a blog entry. Well I mean it is but not an entry exactly, if you get me. It's not really a story either. It's just some random writings. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. Even I have very little idea about what this is about. (Might actually be the first in a long series of posts...Sorry)


"It's the 10th time you heard this song. Aren't you bored?"

"No."

"Do you have to listen to the songs we like a million times until we get bored of it in the same week."

"Yes."

"Alucia-"

"Not Alucia."

"-it'd be nice to actually have songs to listen to every now and then. Yes, I am getting bored of Thousand Years."

She ignored me as usual. She's been calling me Alucia for ages, I never understood why. It's the only thing she's ever called me. "It's nice for plotting."

I didn't look at her but I could feel her eyeroll. "Right, your stories are crap. Especially the ones you form in your head. Mary Sue much?" She zoned out a little, "Mmn, Insanity of Grief was favourited."

"I know. No reviews though. Would love to know how to improve."

She rolled her eyes, "Right. You'd take it as a personal attack and emo. Your stories suck by the way. How did you even get a positive review is beyond me."

I gritted my teeth but ignored her.

"Are you sure they like you?" I was about to ask who she was talking about when a couple of faces flashed in my mind. "Then again they might, they don't know you yet. How long do you think they'd last?"

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Fuck off. Not in the mood."

She smirked, "Do they know how much you curse? Do they know what a bitch you are in your head? Well...at least you think it's in your head. Wanna ask your old classmates? How many of them liked you again?"

"I had a good time. Don't spoil my mood."

"Riiiiiiight and how many people did you impose on to 'have fun'? How many of them actually enjoyed your company?"

"I told you to piss off."

She grabbed my wrist, "No one likes you. Not even..." She trailed off.

Not even you. I tugged my hand back. "I know..." A glance back to the screen, "Anything to watch? I'm bored." She went on, on shows I'd load but end up not watching. Alucia hated me. It was something I knew all along. It didn't surprise me or even make me upset, don't get me wrong. She was very vocal of her distaste for me. I don't know why I'm sad though. I hate her too right?

Cold as ice
And more bitter than a December
Winter night
That's how I treated you

HEYA!!!!!!

Sitting in the Uni library now. Haha I'm early to class. Mwahahahahahaha. Don't get used to it. Haha it's almost the end of the first week of Monash and to quote another blog I read some time ago, I can't believe I've been a Med Student for 2 weeks.

I think I'll start with the life. It doesn't seem so bad after I settle down a little. At first I was going mad because of the amount of prescribed reading we had to do but once I actually got the books it was almost the same notes as the lecturer. I think the lecturer even used the same book. >_> So far it's been mostly lectures. As usual, for anyone who knows me, I keep zoning out. I can't concentrate on most of the lectures. Thank God the post up lecturer notes and that most of what we learned is same/easier than A-Levels (for now). I really can't concentrate. It's either zoning out, or doing other work, or facebooking. LOLZ But yea... scared that this will continue.

Hmn what else. Oh we had our first Clinical class this week. Mostly they just taught us how to talk/interview the patient. It's kinda intimidating and there's a strict guideline on the procedure so I'm scared I miss something. But it's only the first class so maybe it gets better. Speaking of clinical, we are going to a clinic in 2 weeks time. SCARY!!!!! I don't think I'm ready to talk to patients yet. Or maybe it's just literal visiting, I dunno but it's still scary as hell. Sorry, introvert, though my friends would probably disagree but my tutors would agree. Haha I really should participate more in class. Thing is I have to turn the sentence a couple times in my head, make sure it's fine and it doesn't sound stupid. By then, someone else would have spewed the answer.

OR we have a complete (insert random curse word) in our group that doesn't give anyone else the chance to speak. Ok I'm not gonna post the link on FB so hopefully that someone doesn't notice but I needed to get that out. I mean literally no one else has the chance to speak with that person around. But other than this person I absolutely LOVE my PBL group. Haha they are also my 'gang' at the moment so yea. AND THEY READ!!! LOLZ I mean I have found something in common with them. Haha crazy about Final Fantasy; they read Sherlock Holmes & Harry Potter, they can't stand Twillight or Korean shows. AND KARAOKE. LOLZ It's like I'm in heaven. Haha Definitely making friends faster than I expected (well friends to me, dunno about them, haha). I know it will be 3-6 months more but I just can't bare the thought of changing groups. Haha more friends but I get along with everyone in my group and we all have good chemistry. Haha THEN AGAIN, everyone may just hate me and I didn't know it like the certain someone I talked about earlier.

Alright then class is gonna start soon. Very short day today then KARAOKE!!!! Mwahahahahahaha My duet partner ffk today. :( Doubt anyone else knows how to sing Time To Say Goodbye. Oh well. Forever Solo. Haha not gonna used Forever Alone and tempt fate. Haha I think I might actually be happy here. :)